Welcome to the Rhythm Nation, the setting of Amazon Prime’s already cringeworthy adaptation of Cinderella, starring Camila Cabello, Idina Menzel, Minnie Driver, Nicholas Galitzine, and Billy Porter. Despite the general audience most likely knowing the details of one of the most popular fairytales of all time, the trailer takes plenty of time take us through all the twists over the course of three long minutes. Cabello stars as the business oriented Ella, who seeks to make her own way in the world and make a name for herself through selling dresses. Menzel takes on the role as her heinous stepmother, ruining her chances to go to the ball and garner investors for her business venture.
Once Porter as her Fab G (fairy godmother) bibbidi-bobbidi-boops Cinderella into a blue pantsuit, her girlbossification begins. Jetting off the the ball not to meet a man but show off her dress designs, she ends up catching the eye of the most boring, earring-donning prince on the planet. After expressing his wishes to marry her, she denies him, telling him that she wants to get out of the basement and start her own business. Girl, what if you married the rich man and still made your dresses? That’s another way to get out of the basement, but have it your way.
When it comes to the time period that this story is supposed to take place in, who the hell knows. Cinderella’s in 1800s garb at one moment, but in the next she’s in a periwinkle pantsuit (go on, girlboss). Also, because it’s a musical and rent is due, James Corden is there, offering quite the jump-scare as he transforms from a mouse to a human.
Roger and Hammerstein already led a classic, diverse version with Brandy as the star (and Cabello is no Brandy), A Cinderella Story offered a fresh take on the storyline (and no one will ever be a better narcissistic stepmother than Jennifer Coolidge), Drew Barrymore and Julie Andrews dazzled in their own takes on the romance tale, and who could forget Anne Hathaway’s performance as Ella the Enchanted? Even Disney tackled its own live-action remake of the classic tale in 2015 with some beautiful gowns, but nothing beats the 1950 animated original! So, we guess there’s no other reason this adaptation was made than to torture us.